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Mark Ashley vs Eryk Orpheus: the festive show down
Reported by Allan McGrath
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Submitted 20-12-05 22:38
Debauched office parties, stapling mistletoe to your crotch, drinking enough to sink five battleships… the season of good will to one and all is probably the one time when the entire nation lets their hair down, drops the drudgery and embarks on a hectic spell of festive feasting, drunken socializing and, best of all, full-on partying! And speaking of partying, none of the festive parties are grabbing us by the nadgers quite as emphatically as the Nu Energy Collective’s FREEformation at the welcoming new Hidden venue in Vauxhall on 23rd December. For a start it’s 100% free to all men, women and ravers and with three rooms of hardcore, old skool and hardcore, over 600 ravin nutbags and the whole of the Nu Energy Collective letting their hair down it’s going to go off with one serious bang. Well tis the season to be a jolly and all that innit! As we gear up at NEC Towers for the office party to end all office parties, we hooked up with two of our most off-it and party lovin members — Eryk Orpheus and Mark Ashley — for a special festive interview that delves into their mutual Chris-mess psyches to uncover some of their more bizarre and hidden festive secrets. The results are interesting to say the least! Just don’t read if you’ve just eaten… some of its enough to put you off your turkey! Read on and bring on the 23rd!
Mark Ashley
Guys, you’re appearing back to back in the hardcore room of the NEC’s FREEformation on the 23rd December at Hidden, Vauxhall. Taking into consideration your reputations for drunken tomfoolery and the excessive festive occasion, can we rely on you to keep things in control for your set or will you be laws unto yourselves once you enter that DJ booth?
Eryk: Don’t worry we won’t be tarnishing the NEC’s good name by throwing up in the booth or by playing Christmas carols we’ll be totally in control, well of the music anyway, can’t promise I’ll be in control of my bladder.
Mark: Yeah, I reckon we’ll be pretty in control of the music but that’s about all, I should be well tanked up by then so expect some mischievous behaviour behind the decks from me, watch your back Mr Orpheus!
You’ve played a number of sets together this year, including a stand-out summer set at a outdoor party. Are there any disgustingly unpleasant booth habits that you want to reveal about the other or will the season of goodwill keep you on your best behaviour?
Eryk: Apart from the usual nose picking and arse scratching it’s normally fairly well behaved. I just have to be careful Mark doesn’t try to violate my special place with his busy hands, he tries to make out he’s looking for his tunes but I keep telling him he’s not gonna find his little I-pod anywhere near my 12 inches!
Mark: I do like to try and behave when I’m playing out but it’s hard when your playing with the infamous arse scratching Mr Orpheus, just don’t shake his hand after!
Which of the other FREEformation: Chris-mess guests are you most looking forward to catching once you’ve twisted out the hardcore room?
Eryk: I’m particularly looking forward to Ephexis’ live set and Jon and Kutski’s set but I shall be making a concerted effort to see as many different acts as possible.
Mark: I doubt I’ll actually see any of them as I am fully intending on a monumental drinkathon, however, if I do regain some semblance of rational sense then I’m going to check out the Sharkus vs Kutski mashup and I’ll deffo be in the Old Skool room for Tone E Gee !
Christmas is traditionally a time of giving and receiving. Assuming that I am indeed talking about presents and nowt else, what do you take the most pleasure from — giving or receiving?
Eryk: I’m definitely a giver rather than a receiver, as Mark will confirm (snigger!). I just love the disappointed looks on people’s faces when you give them something they really didn’t want.
Mark: I’m not entirely sure I know what Eryk’s talking about. Honest guv. But he is right on one thing, I do love receiving. Even from him.
Eryk Orpheus
Apart from your box of magic records, will you be baring any other festive gifts for the FREEformation Chris-mess party on the 23rd December?
Eryk: The gift of love for as many of the ladies there as possible and a couple of new tunes fresh out the studio including a new Crescendos of Ecstasy remix I’ve just finished.
Mark: A smile and a stomp for all and sundry!
The FREEformation Chris-mess party is probably the one time in the year when all the NEC gets together, lets their hair down and gets right on it. But how did you two first become part of the Nu Energy Collective family?
Eryk: I was drugged and woke up in Surrey a few months ago with an NEC tattoo on my arse, since then I’ve been Kevin’s bitch, or so he says, although I still haven’t seen the contract I’m supposed to have signed.
Mark: He wasn’t drugged, he went willingly! As for myself, I’ve been here from the beginning, Kev and I go back a good few years back in the days when we were just a couple of ravers. When he first started the NEC I setup all the PCs for the office and I’ve been here ever since !
FREEformation is totally and 100% free to all the men, ladies and reindeers of our good city London. Given your sturdy reputations as insatiable party animals, what is the most off-the-wall free party you’ve ever attended and what sort of bonkers escapades did it throw up?
Eryk: We’ve had some pretty messy parties round at Dave 185’s place in the past that always left one or two vomit caked casualties.
Mark: Too many to mention, been stuck up a tree at a free party in Caterham, thrown out for drawing chalk pictures all over someone’s patio at an after party full of fit models (ask Kev) but I think the most memorable had to be Adelaide, off my nut in a hot tub on a trailer in a guy called Mattie’s back garden, three hours I was in there, came out red as a lobster !
Mr Blobby, Mariah Carey, Cliff Richards… whether you’re a pink and yellow blob or a impotent Christian do-gooder, any old Joe seems to think Christmas is the perfect excuse to serrate our ear drums with the most abominably cheesy music known to man. Of all the Christmas cringe-fests, which festive record gets on your tits the most and why?
Eryk: All of them, we get subjected to enough rubbish in the charts throughout the year let alone having to put up with even more dire sickly sweet or novelty bullshit.
Mark: They are all shite, nearly as bad as the World Cup songs. Slade springs to mind, I know it’s F@$%ing xmas you don’t have to keep shouting about it!
Mark Ashley
And if you were Santa for a day, would you be prepared to forgive Miss Carey for her festive monstrosity and let her sit on your knee in your grotto?
Eryk: I suppose so but it wouldn’t be my knee she’d be sat on!
Mark: Never, I’d let my elves have their way with her, film the lot and flog on the internet, I can see it now, “Mariah Carey in midget sex shagfest”, move over Paris Hilton, I’d make fortunes!
If you had to be one character in a Christmas pantomime who would it be and why?
Eryk: I think Mark would make an excellent Cinder-fella and I’d be a superb Hairy Godmother and lets face it we’d both look fantastic in tights and a frock!
Mark: Now I’m worried, when did you start thinking about me in tights??
What does the typical Christmas day consist of in the Ashley and Orpheus households?
Eryk: Food, booze, telly, food, booze, telly, presents, food, booze, sleep, food, booze, more booze, a bit more booze, sleep, food, telly, then booze.
Mark: Food, booze, obligatory Only Fools and Horses episode then high tail it home to smoke myself into oblivion!
How would you complete the following sentence. On the last day of Chris-mess my true love gave to me…
Eryk: A horrible, ill-fitting jumper and some sort of genital fungus!
Mark: I didn’t give anything but I did get a horrible, ill-fitting jumper and some sort of genital fungus.
Now for some festive multiple choice questions…
On Christmas Day I eat brussel sprouts because:
a) I’m a stickler for tradition
b) My mummie tells me to
c) I just can’t resist the wafting smell of pungent eggy fart gas
d) It reminds me why I never want to eat them on any other day except this one
Eryk: Definitely, definitely c!
Mark: None of the above, I actually quite like them!
After we’ve finished Christmas dinner my family is most likely to:
a) Go for a walk in the snow and reminisce about past Christmas’
b) Superglue our backsides to the sofa for the Eastenders special
c) Launch a joint assault on the drinks cabinet
d) Engage in violent family argument over Trivial Pursuit
e) All of the above in that order
Eryk: A firm and definite C.
Mark: C I reckon, although were not actually that sophisticated to have a cabinet, we call it a fridge!
I like Christmas because:
a) I have a sock fetish
b) I have the only Gran in the world who doesn’t give socks to her grandchildren
c) I get to watch my parents acting like nursery children over Trivial Pursuit
d) It’s a special family occasion centred around Christian values and goodwill
e) I get three days, gorge myself like a Medieval King and drink enough to sink four battleships.
Eryk: Oh yes, definitely e) but as I’m a teacher you can make that three weeks!
Mark: Three weeks?! Jammy bugger, but I’ll go along with E for sure!
and finally…
On 23rd December you will most likely find me
a) Rockin the crowd with an awesome freeform and hardcore arsenal
b) Dribbling in the corner with your eyes rolling whilst mumbling something incoherent about rumplestiltskin
c) Quaffing champagne in the VIP area of Hidden and talking about the Christmas Yacht that your secret gay lover is buying you
d) All of the above
f) All of the above bar c)
Eryk: C) but thanks for spoiling my surprise present you bastard, you’ll not going anywhere near my poop deck now Allan!
Mark: Hopefully A but more likely and rather worryingly B!
Any final festive comments guys…
Eryk: Bah Humbug!!
Mark: Hope you all get as drunk as I intend to, Merry Christmas!!!
Haha on that note, thank you and good bye gentlemen!
As for the rest of ya… to witness the antics of Mark Ashley and Eryk Orpheus in full effect get down to the Nu Energy Collective’s FREEformation party at Hidden next Friday 23rd December where they’ll get dropping the filth but hopefully not their trousers in a festive freeforn extravaganza!
For full line up and details check the flyer here: http://www.nuenergy.co.uk/chris.html
To secure a last minute place on the totally free festive guestlist send your names forth to freeformation@nuenergy.co.uk
Meanwhile keep it locked to http://www.nuenergy.co.uk for all future information!!
Thanks to Mark and Eryk for their photos.
FREEformation: The Chris-mess Rave-up!
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On:
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Friday 23rd December 2005
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At:
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Hidden [map]
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From:
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21.00 - 6.00
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Cost:
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FREE!!!
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Website:
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www.nuenergy.co.uk
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Ticket Info:
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Entry is guaranteed with a door list number. To obtain one either send an e-mail to: freeformation@nuenergy.co.uk or text 07962 928 623 with full name and e-mail address of each person that requires a door space. We will contact you right back with a door preliminary door number. We will then contact you 10 days prior to the event to confirm your door place and number.
If you arrive on the night without a door place your entry will be dependable on venue capacity.
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Buy Online:
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Click here to buy tickets
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More:
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The Nu Energy Collective presents... FREEformation: The Chris-mess Rave-Up!
Mistletoe and Santa hats ahoy… Christmas is upon us again! But while we’re waiting for that mind-blowing NYE, you can already feel money flying out of wallets faster than Reindeers.
Needless gadgets for Dad, bath soaps for Mum, crackers stuffed with pointless presents and crap jokes and NYE tickets so inflated they make Santa look thinner than Kate Moss at the fag end of a 6 day smack binge… fuck me, it’s enough to have you snarling harder than scrooge on a crack comedown.
But WAIT!! The festive spirit aint dead just yet… What if there was a rave where you and your friends could get truly rockin in three rooms of seriously havin it hardcore, hard dance and old skool in one of London’s newest & plushest venues? What if this rave didn’t even dent your pockets let alone rinse them dry?
.....................Hang on…………..What’s That I Hear You Say??………………There is??
You Bet Your Last Christmas Stocking There Is!!
Chris-mess is coming early and on Friday 23rd December at the plush new Hidden venue, the Nu Energy Collective are inviting everyone to the party; a monumental ‘thanks’ to the friends and followers that have made 05 our most rockin year yet.
The best thing is it aint costing you not one penny…
And that doesn’t mean we’ve gone all scrooged on the line up…just wrap your snow goggles round the 3 room all-star line-up!!
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Flyer:
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Other Features By Allan McGrath:
Kutski gets ready for his brand new residency @ Tasty - Love Muzik
Hardcore Euphoria preview: Bonkers about Arkitech
Freeformation Chris-Mess Rave-Up Preview With Type 1
Tasty preview with Roosta
A Tasty interview with Billy ‘Daniel’ Bunter
The views and opinions expressed in this review are strictly those of the author only for which HarderFaster will not be held responsible or liable.
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see you all friday 
